Wed, Dec 31st 1969, 6:00 pm

7-12-08- When you go through difficult situations they are for a reason. I can't think of one hard time that didn't serve a purpose in my life. They are often very uncomfortable and sometimes leaves your heart aching, but they teach us much. Today I was training with a client and she told me that some people who I thought were my friends solicited her for business. They were fully aware she is my client. It would have come as a surprise but this has happened before, unfortunately. She later goes on to tell me that one of them lies on me about my recent contest by minimizing my placing to 21st instead of the truth, that I placed 6th. (They actually stop counting after 15. I should know I didn't place at all last year.) I persisted on asking her several times was she sure (about 4 times). Then, my heart broke. It is over.  I have longed for authentic people in my life especially ones that have the same interests as I do. In this department I have been lacking that in a big way. I can only think of one who is authentic and we are into the same hobbies. I think I've decided that I'm not going to make friends in this area of my life. I think it has to be strictly an area of ministry, and if God wants to bless me with a new friend He will. I messed up by not watching and waiting in relationships. I was so eager, I didn't test it by prayer.

Now I'm sitting here broken-hearted wondering what have I ever done to deserve this? I can only think of something my spiritual mom says to me, "Just because your a Christian doesn't mean life is fair." Bad things happen all the time, and we shouldn't think that we deserved it or brought it about. Life just isn't fair sometimes. I don't know how I will face them. I guess by God's grace alone. I do forgive them, but I will never trust them again. And a relationship with them is impossible now. It's strange I have the capacity to forgive, but I don't allow toxic people in my life. And if our relationship serves no purpose, it is better to be pruned off by God. So that is where I'm at, currently. No negative words, just prayer and trying to heal. But this seems to be a reoccurring wound, just when I get past it something else happens to hurt me again. But this time I'm taking a whole new approach. I don't care if they lie on me, under-cut my prices, defame, slander, persecute, or is cut-throat competitive with me. They will be doing it all alone. I will not participate. And I will watch God once again bring judgment on people who cause harm to Daddy's little princess.

Protected by my Father, Aketa